Tag Archive | Writing

Reading… Writing… Depression… Anxiety…

My whole life has been a battle with myself. You are your own personal best friend because no one can get as deep inside your brain as you can. People may relate to you, but they can never truly know how you feel.

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First, as many may or may not know I suffer from migraines that alone affects my reading that is my one true escape. When I know that pulsating drum beat is beginning to take shape, I want my brain to ultimately be crushed so it ends already. That triggers the depression, but when it stops I am like why did I ever feel that way?

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The back and forth pull in both directions is never ending. I began writing as a way of escape the headaches and my dad passing away. Over the past year, writing has helped tremendously, but then you get to the people that tear apart everything you have built which is all part of the process when you want to succeed. So, I battle again with myself. Do I stop? Do I go on? Am I good enough? Am I that terrible? It’s trash! I’m trash! Screw these people it’s awesome! I’m awesome! Am I?

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Anxiety is another issue that I have had since maybe around seventh grade. I can’t talk to people in person most of the time unless I have known them a long time. It’s all just a mix of awkwardness, and I may come across as rude, but that’s not it at all. If I am in a middle of a crowd anywhere, it’s like shakiness sets in and I’m in a bubble with a loud echo where all the sounds blend together. I just want to scream at the top of my lungs and run out of the room. Since I self published this feeling has only intensified, so I try so hard to rope it back in.

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I’ve been a grown adult for a very long time now, and when I feel these type of emotions it’s overwhelming. Since I’m a mother, I try to keep it all inside and level it out piece by piece. I have to put on a happy face and pretend everything is okay when sometimes it just isn’t. The days that are good are really good, and the days that are bad are the end of everything. This post may be a bunch of crap thrown together, but anyone who suffers from something that affects their daily life, just know you aren’t alone.

 

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Do you suffer from any type of illness?

 

 

Poetry Time: Hope

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So, I wrote this poem back when I was nineteen which I am sad to say was thirteen years ago! Anyway, this was one of the inspirations for my first book Quinsey Wolfe’s Glass Vault that I wrote.

Hope

Rage burns from within

Emotion slips through

Pouring out the sins

Cruelty hovers over all

Wondering how you feel

Hoping to choose right

Falling into another realm

I see you

But you can’t begin to see me

The demonic creatures turn

They tear, tear at my outer layer

Please see me the way I see you

I feel your heart

I see your thoughts

You whispered in my ear

I heard the way you felt

It made me smile

For the first time in a long time

But then all things shattered

I was alone, but I wasn’t frightened

Just incredibly hurt and disillusioned

I don’t know what is happening

You were there

But were you there really?

This is all a game

Everything is closing in

I am forgetting who I am

A mannequin under control

I was told you would not do this

The chains crash down harder

Everything is going grey

My eyes clasp together

Is that you I see?

No, it is just a wish; a hope

 

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Poetry Time

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Eventide

Lights quietly flutter

Snowflakes swim down

Nerves are arctic

Bells jingle in my head

The magic is all gone

A dreamer’s dream

A prayer’s prayer

A wisher’s wish

Yesterday has tarnished

Today evaporates

Tomorrow holds anticipation

Three places at one time

Here, There, Here, There

Into the sleepless eventide

Crushed by the sand

I will find my way out

 

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Poetry Time

Happy Halloween Everyone!!!!

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Her

Is she slipping this fast?
At such an odd time in her life
The obscene feelings feel utterly fresh
She begins to think
Nothing is all right
So do not say that it is
No more fights
Unable to resist
The stress and anxiety becomes a killer
There can be no cure
You can not sew her
Even if she is pure
Watch her neck bleed
The intense scratches appear
Love is all that she needs
She is not her anymore
A walking corpse
A haunting ghost
She has no force
Attached to a host
She screams and panics
No one will listen to her
So she grows more frantic
Until he takes her under
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What are you doing for Halloween?

Poetry Time

Deceased

Up from the dirt I rise
Maddened over your innocence
Derived from all the cries
Decomposing and hurting from the dents
Scars are everywhere
Flesh is slowly peeling
When moving I feel the tears
I am lost without feeling
Reaching out at air
Creeping through the darkness
Walk up to me if you dare
All that will occur is a mess
Once there was love
Now there is anything but
Deranged I stand hovering
Biting and clawing at what?

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Hunger
The desire that builds up
Insinuates a personal fear
Madness proves true
Looking up towards the moon
Feeling my skin slide open
A new form protrudes
Hunger for you thoughts
Hunger for you words
Hunger for your flesh
Taking a step back into reality
Realizing all parts are false
Trying to pull life’s plan together
Grasping at your heart
I want so bad to crush it
And it is inevitable
Even though I feel for you too much
Leaves crash to the ground
Dead flowers tear through my nerves
The cravings become uncontrollable

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Poetry Time

Vanish

This disposition of your dishonesty
Brings out the gloom in me
The bleakness shows the true insanity
My inner self has no where to flee
You have turned into something desolate
Think you’re the creature of the night
All I have to say
Is watch out for the light
There is no cure for me
My insides are tarnished
Why couldn’t you just see
Instead all you did was vanish

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Ragdoll

A ragdoll is all that I am
Oblivious to the world and all insights
A frightened little lamb
Sick of all the fights
Out of my eyes
Streams of red flow
No matter who cries
You will never try to see
Bruised like an old fruit
Forever my heart is
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Alone

Stepping through the glass
Entering a world unknown
Anticipating a mouthful of wax
Reacting with an incandescent tone
I am alone
The appearance of reality fades
Fixated on the new dream world
All things begin to shade
Towards me they hurdle
I am alone
The attack becomes violent
Skin is ripping
I feel like a ball full of lint
Blood is dripping
I am alone

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Thoughts?

 

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Author Interview: Mary Frame

The Imperfect Series

Purchase on Amazon:

Imperfect Chemistry: https://amzn.com/B00JTJQRNW (Free on Amazon)

Imperfectly Criminal: https://amzn.com/B00P6P9DXY

Practically Imperfect: https://amzn.com/B01CO3XS6I

A Writer’s Guide Story Structure & Beyond: The Humorous Edition: https://amzn.com/B01H9FM51K

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Summary: 

Are you a fiction writer? Do you ever find yourself slogging through your novel wondering, what am I doing? Why am I doing this? What day is it, anyway? And where the heck is the vodka?!

Well, never fear, dear writer. I am here for you. Within these pages you will discover the highlights of story structure from beginning, middle to end. This book also includes information on writing effective dialogue, crafting scenes that do double duty, creating dimensional characters and much more, delivered in a humorous and (hopefully) entertaining way.

Interview:

What made you want to write?

I went through a quarter-life crisis. No really, I was twenty-eight. Thirty was rapidly approaching and although I had a good job and a great family, I felt like something was missing. I had always had some kind of creative outlet, and after I graduated from college and started a family, there was a hole that I needed to fill. I minored in dance in college, but didn’t have the time or money for dance classes. I’ve always been a voracious reader, so I thought, hey, maybe I could write something. It was an easy way to express myself, since I could do it at home and all I needed was my laptop or a pen and paper and a little bit of time.
How did you get the idea for Imperfect Chemistry?
A combination of things, really. I had spent many years writing mostly paranormal and sci-fi novels with little success, so I decided to write a contemporary romance, which I love to read. I wanted to write a female character who was really smart, almost too smart, too logical. Like a female Spock. And I knew I wanted the love-interest to teach her about emotions. That was the premise I started with, and the story grew from there. I also really wanted to write something that flipped some of the gender stereotypes inherent in so many NA romance novels. The alpha male, the crying female. I wanted to reverse some of those tropes, so I did. And it was so much fun.
What are your top 5 books that you have read?
Just five!? This is terrible. This list probably changes daily. Today, I will say Shogun by James Clavell, Sati by Christopher Pike, A Week to be Wicked by Tessa Dare, Back of Beyond by Neeny Boucher, and Can you Keep a Secret? by Sophie Kinsella.
What other hobbies do you have besides writing?
I minored in dance in college. I still love dancing, although I do it mostly in my kitchen or living room, and I also enjoy cooking (I love food. So much. Probably too much).
Who is your favorite character that you have written?
Lucy for sure, then Sam (her brother). I love how logical she is, she never reacts emotionally. Well, almost never. Sam is such a funny, sweet joker. I loved writing those characters.
What books do you have planned for in the future?
I am currently working on a series about a con artist who moves to a small town, poses as a psychic and gives a fake reading that comes true. I also have a NA novella coming out next Spring, it’s part of a series that I’m working on with a couple of other writers.
Who is your favorite author and why?
I have too many favorites! How to pick just one? I guess I have to go with Christopher Pike, because he’s the reason I really got into reading to begin with. I’ll never forget when I was eleven years old and I picked up a copy of Remember Me. My older sister brought home. I was hooked. I didn’t know stories like that existed! I haven’t stopped reading since.
What do you love most about writing?
I love creating characters and I love making people laugh. My favorite thing is when I get messages from readers that say things like, I laughed out loud, or I smiled the whole time I read your book. That is the absolute pinnacle. The best thing ever.
About Mary:
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Mary Frame is a full time mother and wife with a full time job. She has no idea how she manages to write novels, except that it involves copious amounts of wine. She doesn’t enjoy writing about herself in third person, but she does enjoy reading, writing, dancing, and damaging the ear drums of her co-workers when she randomly decides to sing to them.

She lives in Reno, Nevada with her husband, two children and a border collie named Stella.

She LOVES hearing from readers and will not only respond but likely begin stalking them while tossing out hearts and flowers and rainbows! If that doesn’t creep you out, e-mail her at: maryframeauthor@gmail.com

Places to find Mary:
Follow her on twitter: @marewulf https://twitter.com/Marewulf
Like her Facebook Author page: www.facebook.com/AuthorMaryFrame
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What did you guys think of the interview?